Saturday, February 7
The hidden words, left unspoken ♥
“ 对 的 时 间， 遇 见 对 的 人， 是 一 生 幸 福
对 的 时 间， 遇 见 错 的 人， 是 一 场 心 伤
错 的 时 间， 遇 见 错 的 人， 是 一 段 荒 唐
错 的 时 间， 遇 见 对 的 人， 是 一 声 叹 息 ”If anyone ever think that they understand me, they have
never understood me.
Cause' everytime I try my best to explain, it comes back at me with a bad, bad, reeeeeal bad blow. So better still, do no explanation, & let the misunderstandings go on, even if it means having to make things worse.
While the minorities, always understand me, not knowing that they understood. They always try to understand, when they feel they don't understand.
& I thank & love them, like I've never thanked & loved before.P.S. If you respect me, this is my privacy. Do not intrude. TY.Everyone's saying I don't have time for them.& Everyone's blaming me because they say I don't put in the effort to hang out with them.It's not just one group of friends, instead I feel like every single one of my friends is feeling the same way.Be it JC friends, secondary school friends, darlings, friends that I haven't seen for two long years or whoever they might be.Even though everyone used a different way of conveying this message, they all sound the same to me.They blame me for cooking up excuses to get myself away from the fault of rejecting their offer.Min told me to find my group of clubbing friends, Joanne was angry with me for not accompanying her, Jane thought I don't want to meet her, Gersh & friends say I'm a busy woman, Kailshen & all thought I've forgotten about them & the others feel the same way as every others does.
I don't know if explaining even works at all, because I tried to explain, & I did my best to explain but they never believed me, instead they found them to be more of an excuse than a reason. So eventually I gave up trying to explain because every one of my reason turned out to be your excuses. So if explaining makes thing worse, I'd rather leave it at no explanations, even if people still misunderstand in the end.What's the use of explanations when people wouldn't & prolly don't want to understand.For example, if people think I'm feeling good here by rejecting every single one of their offer, then so be it.The thing is I understand fully why people don't understand my so called reasons that sound exactly like excuses to them. I know, because even I wouldn't believe them myself. & if even I don't accept them as reasons, how do I expect the others to do the same? So I guess after the roundabout, it still comes back to me being at fault. I know I'm at fault, I am well aware, just don't remind me of that. I'm always trying to do something to salvage everything that's gone wrong.But what can I do? I don't want to lie, I don't want to find some reasons that they would believe in but I know truely it's a fake. Even if it means making them feel better, I would not. Because it would make me feel worse.So I guess, nevermind if they don't understand me because I'll cry myself to sleep every night & remember to make time for everyone even if I don't have in order to save all the broken friendships.For every offer I reject, there's always a dark, hidden reason deep down in my heart that I cannot easily reveal to my friends. & bearing it by myself is hard. I always have the urge to blurt it out but none of them ever understand. Or try to understand because they jump straight to their own conclusions.I don't know if my friends will ever understand me or try to do so, I don't know if they will forgive me for everything & still carry on being friends with me or simply just end the friendship now & then. I don't know if I'll be able to take all the blows & sufferings, I feel like I'm a changed person. Because I can do nothing now, nothing. I'm capable of nothing, I'm so useless. Imma damn fucker.Even still, I'm very greatful to the remaining minorities who always stood by me no matter what. Thanks a million to Wan Qing & Sharmaine, there may be still others out there & I show the same appreciation to them. These two never fail to leave me alone even if I've let them down too, like I've let the others down. They always sit & listen to everything I have to say, they always have a way to tell me not to bear everything by myself & to reassure me they are always there, always right here for me. They always understand me, not knowing that they understood, & they always try to understand, when they feel they don't understand. Even if we haven't been meeting up & never been contacting for a million years, they never fail to blame me for anything, & still continue to show me the love they have for me. They never know how thankful I am to them, because they are always so lovely. & I love them, like I've never loved before.I'm feeling better now so I shall stop here & continue keeping the rest in..
